Melbourne Stars v Sydney Somethings

Game 2

Someone won. David Warner scored 102 off 51 deliveries. Shane Warne’s fiancee was there. Fireworks exploded after the game. Gymnasts performed athletic manouvres outside the boundary. Only 23,000 people attended. Who cares what the score was. The score was 23,000. Which in Test match terms, means that Cricket Australia has elected to bat on a flat wicket, and are 8 for 58 at the close of the first session (score inclusive of 3 maximums).

Cricket Australia, the governing body of Australian cricket, the team of marketing experts who can run a focus group like nobody else, must be worried now. Warnie was there, Liz was there. Warnie’s kids were there. Warnie was actually playing. David Warner hit a six pack of sixes. There was excitement. There was theatre. No one bothered turning up to the MCG to watch.

This is despite the marketing campaign, the gaudy coloured clothing which would be causing every pre war cricketer to collectively turn in their graves, despite the promise of stars, former stars and future stars, despite the assurances that the Big Bash League would be the future of cricket. The people who run cricket in this country expected crowds of 50,000. They got 23,000, including Warnie’s family. This is despite Warnie, for god’s sake.

They must be worried. Why aren’t people turning up to watch a slog fest, which resembles cricket, though really isn’t cricket. Everyone knows cricket is boring. Cricket Australia knows cricket is boring. Kids these days have the attention spans of goldfish. Cricket Australia has spoken to kids who care more about Justin Bieber than Justin Langer. They hate cricket, they can’t be bothered sitting through a Test match. They would rather watch proteges of Tony Hawk duelling it out on a halfpipe. So, in their infinite wisdom, Cricket Australia have placed all their carefully acquired eggs in the Big Bash League basket. Everyone loves Twenty20. Focus groups and market research tells us this.

Somewhere, something has gone wrong. The twenty20 competition was working well last year. Unobtrusive, this competition was attracting crowds, against all the odds. First class players were experiencing the strange phenomenon, of people actually turning up to watch them play. Tucked away in a little corner of the cricket season, the competition had appeal. This year, the competition has been expanded. It has supplanted the traditional Sheffield Shield. It is right in the middle of two Test series. It IS the cricket season.

And yet, people have turned off. Perhaps they can see this exercise for what it is. A cynical attempt from bean counters and marketing men to cash in, on what I can now confidently call, a passing fad. Like the Limo driver from the movie Spinal Tap, who made an early call on the death of rock music, I’m making an early call on Twenty20.

Of course it would not maintain appeal. Cricket designed for people who don’t like cricket. When the novelty wears off, the people move on. Move on to something else. Those who are left standing, the actual cricket people, are left feeling as though they have been taken for granted; their loyalty rejected. They will turn up to the MCG on Boxing Day. They will watch every ball with interest. They will be engaged, despite the distinct possibility that not one six will be hit for the entire day. No batsmen, Brad Haddin aside, will ‘clear their front leg’, whatever that means, and attempt to heave a good ball on off stump to the midwicket fence and beyond. People will clap a quick single. Fireworks will not blast off at the end of the days play. Commentators will not pretend to be excited to the point of self combustion; though this could improve the quality of some broadcasts.

I recently caught the train from Adelaide to Melbourne. On arrival, the fella that was giving his talk about Melbourne, was rattling off statistics about this city over the train P.A.. He mentioned the MCG, which he said was the ‘home of Test cricket, the greatest game in the world’. I wanted to cry. Test cricket is the greatest game in the world. That man should be promoted to the Cricket Australia board, quick sticks.